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Monday, August 9, 2010

The neighbor's cat was taking pooping in the yard....

I mean really? How else can I say but to you that the cat was taking a dump....but here's the kicker. Our neighbor, wild hair and all, was standing there watching the cat drop a deuce in my flower bed.

And this was the second or third time that she had been witnessed doing this.

Our neighbors are a little different...a little granola...but good people nonetheless. Are they folks that I would drink a beer with voluntarily? Ehhh, probably not, but they are not bad folks. Just strange. To paint the complete picture and give an adequate backstory, Kim and I won the lotto when it comes to shitty neighbors (not calling these friendly people shitty by any means) when we lived in Cartersville. We had a great house, a beautiful custom built home with a nice yard and everything was as we wanted it. Except for the fact that we bought the first house on a busy country road. The sorry jokers that started this place decided to lease purchase everything they could on the street and then, when that didn't work, they opted to put in government subsidized tenants that had no way of even paying the utilities, let alone keep up the yard. Our old neighbors didn't have a garbage service for a full the garbage just piled up in the drive. I cut their grass for over a year because we were trying to leave that place and a hayfield next to me wasn't I say all of that to tell you this...J. and his lovely wife are wonderful people......but she brought the cat into our yard to poop and for us, this was a first.

Kim told me about this situation happening nearly two days ago and I didn't think much of it. I didn't dispute it nor did it surprise me that this had happened as they have a love affair with cats and dogs, but I didn't witness it. Tonight, after giving Reese a bath, I caught her. Completely in the act. She was caught with cat crap on her hands so to speak. We were just recovering from a nail clipping session with Reese - a true experience to cover some other time - and I was taking a seat in my recliner. As I looked out the front window I see my neighbor standing next to her cat whilst it responded to the call of nature. I don't know who seemed more embarrassed about the situation, she or I...but I just simply couldn't bring it upon myself to step to the front door to find out what was up. So I sat. I tell Kim that neighbor is in the yard again....Not the edge of the yard or the side that I don't particularly groom all the time....nope....right in the middle and she was watching the cat crap. Kim then stands up to witness the act - YEP! That's what she did the other day! - I'm sure the neighbor saw Kim so in response, the neighbor's daughter scampers out of the yard back to their house. Maybe this college aged young woman couldn't stand taking part in such shenanigans and decided to leave the scene. However, she returned with a bag....I see it....and decide that they are picking up the poop. Which makes it alright for a bit but how disturbing would it be that they were picking up cat poop???

I don't recall the cats that Mom and Dad owned but I know that I threw them alot. You know, up the air to see if they would land on all fours....don't get all huffy, I was very young but it was a telltale sign that I didn't like cats and don't to this day and I haven't thrown a cat in weeks.......hahaha, no Just kidding. It's been a couple months. Anyway.....

I don't recall what cat droppings look like but I'm assuming that they're pretty gross since they poop in litter and that bonds to the poop making it easier to pick up. And pregnant women are supposed to avoid it so it has to be wicked stuff....Well, my assumption is that Mom and daughter were picking it up. Next thing, the doorbell rings. It's my neighbor, on my door step, with the bag in her hands. Presumably full of cat droppings.....Are we all grasping the great detail that I've gone into and why??? I'm pretty shocked to be perfectly honest but something prods me to open the door and be....well....neighborly.

She says, "I'd like to make a deal with you...." My mind races with the possibilities and quickly decides in milliseconds that this cannot be a good offer no matter the circumstances. She then holds up what I'm assuming is the cat crap and before she utters a word, I immediately envision the whole flaming bag of dog poop scene gone completely wrong....I won't even have a chance to stomp the flaming shit!! She's putting it in my face....AGGGGGHHHHH!

I was all wrong. She was essentially offering fresh vegetables in exchange for us allowing her cat to poop in the yard. See, the cat has been sick and they've been nursing it back to health. Turns out that the cat always used our pine straw to relieve itself and was being picky about going now. This cat has been an outside cat and now being cooped up in the house while being nursed back to health was hindering the process. Fascinating......this woman had a legitimate excuse for standing in our yard tending to her pooping cat after all.

I'm beginning to think that I belong further north of Atlanta now.

I wondered if Reese could smell it?

Nah.....she just wanted a drink.


Judith said...

Just what I needed this morning!!! You are sooooooo funny! Yes, I will agree.....I think you belong further north of Atlanta too! Gotta love strange neighbors! Love ya!

Anonymous said...

All I can think of now is--- Did she wash her hands good before picking the fresh veggies! Tell ya what-- roll the veggies in a big doobie -- smoke it and see if it smells like cat _hit ! Ha! Ha! Ha!LOL! LOL! LOL! Adam , Don't worry about the neighbors cat --At least the neighbor is offering a peace offering and your not mowing her yard - yet anyway!Oh! Don't forget to keep us posted on the effects of kitty litter grown veggies! Dad