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Friday, April 9, 2010

What is that?

So...take a look at this photo. My left cheek (the right cheek when looking at the pic. Or the cheek closest to Reese.) Do you see that darkening on top of my cheek bone? Almost freckle-ish. Yeah...that hasn't been here all my life. In fact it probably hasn't been all that prevalent for much more than a year. So I've been intrigued.

Worried with the recent loss of two young men very close to the same age as myself.....In fact, very quietly petrified because of the "sudden" appearance of two spots. Yep...another one even darker and (in my opinion) a more visible circle on the same cheek just more toward my jaw bone. Just a random spot that started getting darker and larger.

I start noticing this about two months ago. They didn't catch my eye until after the first of the year and at the time I thought nothing of them. Then one day the spots both stood out. Like HEY!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!! So I start asking folks if they had noticed them. Most had not but then I start looking at pictures of me and the hard thing is that I'm not the most photogenic person in the world and therefor not often in a wide variety of photos. But the scary thing was that the spots seemed to come from no where. Just appearing.....I'm weirded out.

Skip to my new dermatologist that wants me to take some super $4 Million dollar drug that will curb my psoriasis and probably fund a nice down payment for balancing our nations budget. The drug in all actuality costs $9000 PER SHOT and they want me to take 4 doses each portion is yet to be determined. I'm pulling for zero but even at 10% this is making Soriatane look like a walk in the Pharmaceutical park. But I'm too worried about these spots to even care about the new drug.

Back up a few weeks now.....After making the first trip to the new doc and knowing that I would have a follow up sometime this week...I struggled with myself because I should have said something the first time. So I have quietly....very secretly started a mild panic about these spots. During this drought between doc visits I read about Shane's struggle with cancer....I read about another struggle with cancer with a man named Sweeney.....naturally, my mind runs, sprints, hurdles toward cancer. Why? Because worry is human and we never worry about the best case scenario. We worry about the very worst case....

Fast forward to today....weeks of unrest in the morning after my showers...I secretly feel my face in mornings in the bathroom alone. Feeling for any change in the dark areas. Noticing that the spots on my cheek will peel occasionally but only in one spot...Why? I'm quietly building a panic in my soul. What if? Nothing? Something? The appointment seemed to be taking forever to get here. So, I get to the docs office and literally bring this up first and foremost before we even have time to go over the Hi, how are you's. Check this out doc....what is it? I nearly mess my pants.

"Pre-cancer on the cheek bone...probably nothing on the jaw." HUH???!!! Layman's terms doc?! Well...not really CANCER cancer but a localized version a skin affliction. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? Here.....she sprays me with the coldest, grittiest, burning-est stuff EVAR! Both places. She shrugs her shoulders and tells me its no big deal. All done. She essentially killed the problem. It was just that easy.....

You know what I just did? I breathed a sigh of relief about something that was really nothing at all. I was so worried and so terrified over a spot that would never really become anything more than unsightly. Tonight though....I'm so relieved and while I got all wound up over nothing. Sometimes you just never know....until you know.

Ok....I can breathe now. Thank you Lord! Thank you, thank you, thank you.....

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