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Friday, February 19, 2010

Sick and tired of being sick and tired....

Reese will be 11 months old next week and I think it safe to say that these last two weeks have been about as challenging as any that she OR we have faced. She has had the stomach rot...and I will note that she handled that VERY well for the level of uckiness that you could tell she was dealing with but upon her arrival from Florida last week with Kim, she started showing signs of a cold that she has held onto ALLLLL week.

It has been so hard to sit somewhat handcuffed to do something about her misery but that's essentially what has been happening. We felt like something larger was pending on Monday and Kim took her to the Dr. but nothing was found....she just has a cold and runny nose but then Reese got worse and worse and worse so we took her back and she has an ear infection, the cold, runny nose, a horrible cough and a temperature. So all of this culminated with the two most recent days of sheer misery for her.

This is foreign ground for Kim and I. Reese traditionally wakes up in a fantastic mood and ready to eat some chow and face the day. The past two mornings she has struggled to breathe when waking up, she has been yawning like crazy which would indicate to me that she isn't getting good sleep because she is either coughing or is having a hard time breathing, and she is extremely clingy and irritated. It's hard to watch but...and I say this only because I am so unaccustomed to this...its hard to live through.

You have no real idea how long a sick child can murmur this whine that sounds like "nuhhhhhh, nuhhhhhhh, muhhhhhhhhh, muhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"  Now complete with a new way to gurgle spit or snot in an attempt to either gross is out or just simply push Daddy closer to the edge. It's like a Chinese torture device that you can't escape! Mind you, we know (I know) Reese is sick and doesn't feel well and she can't relay that to us any other way but its just something that I wasn't ready for because Reese has been so excellent with anything that stressed her. Kim, on the other hand, is brilliant with her. Reese clings to Kim from whatever angle she can....she holds on to her shoulders, she grabs her pant leg when Kim is standing and shoves her head between Kim's legs like she's playing peekaboo with someone in front of Kim...and Mumma seems impervious to the dull roar of Reese's new found whine. It just doesn't seem to penetrate Kim's central nervous system like it does mine.

I'm so not laid back and I need to be....I need to not stress over stuff like I am. I'm fixated on Reese eating real food and the more I seem to stress over it, the less Reese seems interested in eating from the table. I'm stressing over her tossing everything off of her high chair and the more I say "no!", the more interested in throwing things she seems to be. I'm worried about her sleep, her meals, her health, her everything. I pray more for this child than I've prayed for anything cumulatively in my life. I just want the best for her and I want to make the pain go away. Some part of me feels terrible and bears the burden of guilt because she is going to daycare and if she stayed in the home or in a single child setting she probably wouldn't be this sick. And while I want nothing more than to keep Reese home...our situation doesn't allow for Grandparents to babysit or for bored neighbors to volunteer their time. Reese gets great interaction with children of different ages and I believe in my heart that this is a good thing for her but I also believe that she is picking up germs like a vacuum at Sherry's ----- its not her fault that kids carry this stuff like miniature virus mailmen. It just happens.

Sure...I read posts about multiples, children with chronic conditions, good days and bad days and Reese pales in comparison even on her worst day to what some folks have to deal with. But its hard to watch. It's hard to watch her hurt and not know how to fix it. I'm frustrated by my own inability to make her understand her needs and anticipate them so that resolution is a step rather than a process. It's humbling...

I want nothing more than to be a good Daddy and for Kim to continue her reign as Mommy of the year. But then again...I take that back...I want my little girl to feel better for a while. She needs a break and I'm hoping that she gets one pretty soon.

These are some of the few pics that we have taken recently because she has been so incredibly sick lately....


And is a shot of what happens when the hair dryer gets a mind of its own.

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