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Monday, October 26, 2009

Modesty is missing at the gym.....

The following story is rated PG-13 and meant to be funny....no elderly men were harmed in the making of this story.

So today was my first trip to the gym and day one of a much needed change in direction.....

The backstory here is that I joined a gym last week because 1. my arse is getting too big. 2. I just can't seem to muster the ability to ride my bike in even mildly cool weather. 3. it will begin getting dark around here incredibly quickly in the next week and I don't care to get run over in the dark and finally 4. My big boy pants are starting to get tight and I can't have that.

So, there are two guys at my office that work out at lunch and while I've fought that notion to join them, I decided the other day that lunch is a mandatory hour that I must give up at work and since I have no options here...I might as well use lunch for a workout. Yeah, I'll stink a little and who knows how effective it will be working out 40 to 45 minutes per day (but 5 days a week) but it'd have to be better than absolutely nothing.

I've been nervous as hell about this day because I don't know gym etiquette anymore and on top of that, its easily been since 1992 (when I was in High School) that I've even walked into a gym with the intent to lift. I've played racquetball a decent amount during college and shortly after but no lifting at the gym for me...no thanks. So the lunch hour came, I gathered my wares only to learn that my mates would be bailing today. One had to eat lunch with some bosses and the other shows the tell tale signs of pig flu. Not really but he didn't feel well. My virgin trip to the gym...no guidance. No advice. No instructions on which machines do what. All alone.......

Big boy that I am I figured it out and ended up having a great workout but at the risk of being, well, not so P.C.......I had forgotten some stuff. And apparently so did some older guys in the locker room.

See, something must happen to older men when they go to the gym. There must be something that harkens them back to their youth when they would hit the local swimming hole and one kid in the bunch would be a "bank walker". This is a term that I learned from my severely red-neck Uncle but the term works rather well....see a bank walker would be one that would stroll along the bank of the swimming hole showing off his prize. Having a yard sale of sorts....with all of his junk out...you know.

That same mentality exists at the local LA Fitness and is by all accounts from my absent gym buddies....this is more of a consistency than a rarity. Not cool.

I thought some one was selling Franks and beans in there when I was getting ready to leave this afternoon...I mean C'mon! Have a little couthe...or some MODESTY. I really was set back by this and I engaged in getting ready, completely focusing on the task at hand but these jokers are just on a leisurely stroll to the shower....no towel ,no undies....not one stitch of anything. I was a little set back to say the least. This makes the second encounter with clothes challenged older men within a month and I'm feeling a tad violated.

Besides the clothing optional locker room, I really enjoyed the work out. I probably lifted way more than I should have for the first day (and that wasn't alot) but it was a good step in the right direction. I'm pleased with my decision to do this and now just have to keep it up and look for results. All I plan on relaying here is overall weight loss...not a start and finish pound chart because I don't need everyone knowing that I've fallen off the wagon completely. I would like to indulge in the occasional work out story but I felt like day one offered up the best humor I could muster from my day. If you want to call that kind of thing humorous.....

Anyway....day two commences at lunch on Tuesday and I hear that some Shriners are going to be down there riding their little go karts in nothing but birthday suits so stop by...it's bound to be a blast.

Meanwhile...Reese got some exercise of her own tonight and ALLLLLLLLMOST started crawling. She's close to taking off! Go baby go!


3 comments:

Tara said...

Hialrious! My hubby says the same thing about the gym at his work ( army base). They even still have one big open shower. You would have thought things would have evolved a little more since the 80's right?

Judith said...

you had better watch those guys! Don't pick up the soap!! :) Love ya.

zane hollingsworth said...

Naked old men is a gym fact. I quit going into locker rooms. I just leave sweaty and go home to change. Good luck with your workouts. If you ever have any questions shoot me a message.