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Monday, June 22, 2009

What a tough morning....

So today was the day. And um.....Daddy took it pretty hard too. It all started last night when I took the trash out (what a way to tell a story, huh?) I had about five minutes by myself getting things together and just like the day we left the hospital, the emotions came rushing in and my eyes just filled with tears. My little girl was going to somebody else for care during the day. Then the questions and doubt came rushing in....So if I can't provide enough for my family...what kind of father am I? What kind of husband am I that Kim needs to work to make this whole thing float? Talk about a reality check of the worst kind and on Father's day no less.

I came back in and Kim was preparing the day pack for Reese. She packed the bottles and asked me a simple question and I couldn't hide it from her....I broke down. Kim and I cried together and held each other. I apologized for things that she didn't expect an apology for and would never ask for. We put Reese to bed and held each other as we fell asleep. This morning, I woke up and Kim was in a reasonable mood considering the days upcoming events. We got ready and just like prepping for a new job we were both up and done in plenty of time so we waited.....we waited for 8:00am and sort of kicked around until it was time. Kim was heartbroken and so was I....we walked Reese to Krissy's house and they met us at the door. Krissy was gang busters and had such a light and fantastic mood but it just didn't cut through the sadness for us. Kim cried and I started again (I feel like such a boob but Kim says she loves that I'm emotional...I don't know who to thank for that trait.) But Kim and I were observing through the tears that Krissy's kids were being so good to Reese, they've obviously raised three kids and didn't break any of them so why would they break Reese, and there was just a great vibe in the house this morning. It helped...tremendously.

Pics before we took her to "daycare"

You would have thought that Kim and I were giving her up for adoption the way we were carrying on this morning but one my co-workers assured me this morning that this is just the first for many sucky but potentially exciting days for Mommy and Daddy in the life of Reese. 1st day of some kind of different daycare...if Krissy decides this is too much...the 1st day of pre-k, 1st day of school, 1st night at a friend's house, and so on. Her life is filled with 1st's that will challenge us at every angle and we'd might as well embrace them rather than run from them.

BUT ON TOP OF THAT...Kim went back to work too. Talk about a double whammy. She did fine and the world didn't cave in but it almost did. Not really...but this was a good first step and hopefully it will get a little easier day after day.

We pretty much loved on Reese all of this evening and this was one of my favorite nights with my baby girl so far. I guess they are all my favorite nights but this one was so special. Reese's Mommy and Daddy climbed a big mountain this morning and we shared a simple evening with our little Pumpkin-doolittle.


Judith said...

I feel for you....I remember that day about 18 years ago....and the
1st days are still coming...I had a tear reading this and thinking of taking mine to college and
leaving her for the 1st time. I
don't know if it gets any better...
but luckily time eventually heals, just in time for the next "1st" hits! Yes, you gather that baby girl up when you get home to her and love all over her! When she's as old as mine, she'll wonder why you're kissing all over her!!!Love you all!!!

jill said...

SO glad tonight was so special! but i hate that this morning was so hard for y'all. it's just another testament to what INCREDIBLE parents reese has! she is such a lucky little munchkin to have a mommy and daddy who sacrifice so much for her. hope tomorrow is at least a smidge easier.

Tara said...

oh, man glad you guys survived. I'm sure it was horribly hard. This is the stuff guts are made of.

Lauralie said...

Precious, PRECIOUS baby Reese is so very blessed to have such a tender mommy and daddy. I too remember that first day that I handed Jamie over - we were also blessed that we had a neighbor who took him for us, but Dave and I were both a sloppy tearful nightmare that whole day.

I wish I could tell you it's get easier, but I don't think that's quite the right word. It gets...different.

Mylinda said...

I just found your blog through Tara's and reading this post made me absolutely tear up. My sweetie is almost 7 months old now, and it does get easier, but there are still days.... I am blessed to work part time, but that first day back at work I cried and asked myself if the money was really worth it(it is- we like to eat!)You just find some kind of balance and it makes the times together even sweeter. Good luck!