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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Poo poo surprise!

We should have paid attention to the signs....little baby farts....little smells that stunk to the high heavens. We're professionals now, we should have seen this one coming.

I suppose like all parents do at times, we let our guard down and it bit us. Our little angel took advantage of our naivety and we had the first poo poo the bath tub.

How does one deal with a poo poo surprise you ask? With something resembling shock and awe...a small gag reflex, and then some amount of instinct kicks in. It all started with the squash. Reese is eating baby food twice each day now. Tonight, she ate squash and while it went down, I don't think it was her favorite. I'm sort of shocked by that because anything would taste better than that swill called formula ever could. Squash was creating a bit of a gag late in the game and we decided that it was probably enough for the evening and gave her a little rice cereal with apples and she woofed it down.

We go to the Family Tradition for dinner and Reese was a little ham...just smiling away, playing her game of drop the clean toy on the dirty floor. Everything was fine. We come home, get prepped for a bath....and commence to soaking with the bath toys. A couple toots rang out from Reese's behind and like Pan playing the flute we were laughing and giggling, dancing wildly into trouble.

Bubble, bubble....braaaampft.....the tub rumbles from underwater noises. I laugh because the bursting bubbles reveal an aroma unknown to my nose with Reese...."DAMMIT!" I exclaim...."That smells HORRIBLE!" Kim comes back laughing...hehehehe hohohoho...ah......oh no....OH.....OH NO!

Reese was pooping in the tub. The poop had not broken form just yet and so the thought was that maybe I could lift her out of the sewage tub now with no issue.....I lift Reese....the poop breaks form. Almost like a drop of dye in a cup of water, the poop races to every corner of the tub and becomes all encompassing. Toys are mired in a soggy concoction of poopy bath water...Kim picks them out which I find amazing. Ask us two years ago if we will pick up poopy toys in the bath and our response is probably something along the lines of "those toys don't even make it to the trash...we burn 'em."

Kim, brilliantly, lays out a new diaper for me to toss Reese upon and then we ponder what to do with the stew left before us.....It DARE NOT go down the sink. Too messy to poor into the toilet. Outside....that's it, but how? I'll carry it Kim, you open the door. Kim works toward the back door for which I immediately think of Baxter....he would eat it. I know he would. Bax is disgusting when it comes to food. If he'll vomit and then eat that....he'd eat wet baby shit for sure.

Out the front door.....Isn't there some saying about throwing the baby out with the bath water?? Well, we tossed the former contents of the baby out. I wonder if the Cleyera bushes well grow to a lush deep green color now, or will they wilt from the funk?

Ahh yes....the joy and wonderment of parenting. If I could narrate this story and choose a background song, I would choose the Doobie Brothers "Black Water" and in a voice like Larry Munson....that voice could really add some drama to the text don't you think?

We're officially disgusting.


Tara said...

love it! Hilarious. Kuddos for keeping it real.

jill said...

welcome to my world!!! hahah! happens to us about twice a week. LOVE your commentary! you are HILARIOUS!!!!!!

Jay said...

Holy crap (pun intended), that was hilarious!!! I don't have kids but have dealt with similar smells and consistencies with the dogs. Your words painted the perfect visual that had me laughing so hard, I was crying!!!

Judith said...